Life is beautiful!, my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven.: I do not know that there are words to describe tonight, but they are all that I have so I will try. (Repost from...

my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven.: I do not know that there are words to describe tonight, but they are all that I have so I will try. (Repost from... ⇢

freedomreigns:

This post will be too long and all over the place. I normally proofread my posts at least two or three times and edit and make everything sound really pretty. This isn’t one of those posts. I need to write. You don’t have to read it.

Very late last night, I wrote this out and at the last minute, decided that it was too personal for Tumblr. I saved it on my computer because I figured that there was a reason that I typed it out.

“I know that my spiritual eyes can see more than they’re seeing right now.”

I’ve felt like I’m on the verge of something bigger than myself for a very, very long time. There are days when the only thing that keeps me focused is the thought thatsomething is coming. What? I have no idea what kind of breakthrough it is or if that’s even how I should define it, but I’ve just felt that there’s a major eye-opener that God has in store for me that I need.

And here I am. I am here because I am frustrated because I’ve been in the same place for a while. I have a good time in the presence of God and I love His sweet Word, but I feel as if something is missing. I just feel that what I’m enjoying now is the tip of the iceberg. The revelation that I’m receiving now is miniscule compared to what’s on the way. I don’t think that I’ve invented this thing that I keep on referencing- I’ve felt it in the Spirit for a while. So I am here. And I am pushing in deeper and pressing in and it hurts. Stripping away the outer layers that I hide behind in order to get to what’s important sucks. I need reformation but I fear that I’ll never get to the point that I know I’m destined to be at. And that scares me because I don’t want to live complacently.

I don’t know. I’m exhausted. Things will make more sense after I sleep.

And then tonight happened. There aren’t other words to describe it. At youth, I normally pray. I worship. I am moved by the Spirit. But nothing like tonight has happened to me in a very, very long time. We were in worship and I moved to prayer and just began to cry out for guidance. I cried out and He listened. At the end of the service, I told myself that I would not leave until I felt God in a new way. And our pastor came and prayed over me and proclaimed that I was never alone, that God’s heard my cries, that I am a mighty warrior in Christ, and something broke. And I often try to keep my worship dignified and not offend anyone and raise my hands and pray for a few minutes and go home, but I knew that that wasn’t enough tonight. And before I knew it, I was on the floor just sobbing because I’ve needed to break for so long. I’ve needed to stop caring about everything and everyone else and just focus on Jesus and let the Holy Spirit take over. And I did. And there are things so personal that I’m not willing to share them on here that are now resolved. There are things that I’ve been afraid to bring up in front of God that I know He’s fixing. And once I fully realized that His love has nothing to do with me and everything to do with how great He is, something changed. Everything changed.

Tonight was messy but tonight was beautiful. And I think that there are times where we need to forget what we think is appropriate for worship and throw away our preconceived motions and just listen. Listen and respond. Listen and take action. Listen and get wrecked. Even now, He is calling, “Come up here.” Go, beloved. It is worth everything.

Jesus, I need this again and again and again. Bring restoration. It’s what you love to do.

Life is beautiful!

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